Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Can’t we just get along?

LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW
 

 

Trash-talking, nasty glares, backstabbing, envy, jealousy and edgy competition are unfortunately, all part of growing up - from a young girl to a woman. But when it gets to a point that it truly hurts the development of a girl’s behavior or perception of what is normal at such a young age, how does one learn to grow up into a mature, loving, and self-confident woman? 
     

“It starts really early. If you watch little girls interact there’s a lot going on there,” says Joan Hamburg on WOR’s The Joan Hamburg Show.   “Girls are so mean to each other. I don’t understand it. Are we wired to be different in that way?”   

Psychologists and authors Dr. Erika Holiday and Dr. Joan Rosenberg of the new book, “Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray, and Trash-Talk Each Other and How to Heal,” delve into this arcane behavior to discover the variety of factors that affect the way girls develop relationships with one another and how this behavior can be so painful and crucial to a woman’s development. 
 

Physiological, behavioral, social and media influences all play a tremendous role in the interactions between girls and women.   “It’s really critical that parents teach their children empathy at a very young age,” says Dr. Erika Holiday and Dr. Joan Rosenberg. “Model good behavior, emphasize empathy and don’t engage in the bully stage of a child. Dialogue is very important. As a parent you must be mindful of how much is in the media and talking to your daughter as to what is normal and what is real.   Critical thinking skills and evaluating what they are told or what they see on television and what they experience in school or in play groups are important factors as well.”  

“Girlfriends are so important to us, but why do women really hurt each other?” baffles Joan Hamburg. “Once the pattern is set, it just goes on and on.” The pain of social seclusion at such a young age can trigger negative feelings and behavior. “Women tend to use meanness as a coping mechanism,” says Dr. Erika Holiday and Dr. Joan Rosenberg. “They either turn it inward to themselves or outward by being mean to others.”
 

In the fascinating book, “Mean Girls, Meaner Women: Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray, and Trash-Talk Each Other and How to Heal,” discover:
 

·         How the female brain is wired to be more relational and suffer more hurt

·         The emotional cost of countless "no-win" situations including the "Original Sin of Being Female," the "Paradox of the    Healthy Adult," and "Beauty and the Bind"

·         The role angry and competitive feelings between women has on authentic and deep connections

·         How being "different" could make you the target of hurtful behavior

·         How the media supports and reinforces hostile behavior through the "Money Shot"

·         Behavior that catches the attention of the "Gender Police"

·         What women can learn from men about communicating with each other

·         Critical steps for healing and creating closer connections with women